Sugar! I meant sugar! Darnit, how could I ever confuse sex with sugar? Sheesh!
Oh, right. Because aside from the obvious sugar-sex metaphor (if it’s not obvious, bless your heart!) in my mind, sugar is the culinary equivalent of sex.
It’s like if (*pornstar) Bree Olson were my lover and I’m suddenly asked to kick her to the curb. Sure, maybe she has a few STD’s that could send me to an early grave, and maybe my addiction to that sex life with her is ruining every other aspect of my life, but isn’t it worth it?
“No.” This answer appeared, annoyingly, from some twisted part of my brain that thinks I need to become a healthier person and marzipan (my Bree Olson of sugar cravings) has got to go, along with Jenna, Rachel and a few other lovers.
Sugar, people! I’m talking about sugar. C’mon!!
Anyway, as I discussed in my post last month, When All or Nothing is Everything, I have been considering a more serious alteration toward clean eating than just “watching it” and counting calories. As anyone relatively current on nutrition knows, not all calories are created equal.
Don’t worry, I’m not giving up everything sweet permanently, but I am giving up sugar for 21 days. After that, my goal will be to avoid all the processed “whites” as a general rule.
Why such a drastic reset? Because (a) you apparently didn’t read that All or Nothing post I just mentioned; and (b) did you know your taste buds regenerate? So if you do a reset, you can actually change your threshold to a much lower limit. Maybe look at it this way: the more of a thing we eat or drink, the more of it we need to get that same “rush” or “high” or simply “taste.” Think about it. Apply it to how much caffeine you need daily, how much salt, how much sugar, how much “other sugar” (that time I was talking about sex. C’mon, keep up already!).
Anyway, my 21-Day Sugar Detox begins next Tuesday, January 15th. Setting a future date has been giving me time to mentally and physically prepare by using up the entrees and things we have in the house, tossing out many things and shopping for “YES!” foods.
So far the material I’ve gotten for the program is underwhelming in the sense that it’s overwhelming. They would have done better to put all their promotional and doctor-backed jargon into a completely different PDF file than their basic plan and foods list, because you’re exhausted of all the reasons by the time you get to the basic plan.
Here’s a tips, 21-Day Sugar Detox folks: KISS (Keep it Simple, Stupid!) By the time we get that pamphlet, we’ve already paid for the program, so STFU and just tell us how it’s done. THEN follow up with your daily emails and use THAT platform to insert a daily “reason”
Roses to Moses, if I weren’t so determined, I would have tossed out the whole idea just from all the pages of “I love to hear myself write and teach” before I ever got to the good stuff. Sheesh. My OCD was obsessing all over the place! 😉
Haha – wow, I’m cranky already just thinking about giving it up. Must need to get some! (Now that one could go either way.)
Have any of you done a sugar detox before? Have any of you given up anything before? How long did it last, how did it make you feel, is it something you changed permanently?
Here’s to 21 days without sex!
Sugar! Dangit. Seriously already!
*At the request of my brother, who apparently had his eyes “seared off” when he googled Bree Olson, I added the word “pornstar” before her name. I thought she was a household name, especially after her tryst with Charlie Sheen, but apparently I am just very knowledgeable about porn stars. Oh dear. That defines me in many, many ways. Anyway, I sincerely apologize if any of you unwittingly googled her, especially if you didn’t have your safe filters on. Sincerely. I would never intentionally do that.