From Battle Ropes to Shark Wrangler: Marla’s Delusional Fitness Motivation

battle ropes

Do you remember those nasty battle ropes that my trainer, Gary, made me use at the gym? (If not, click here for the blog & video: A Tired Marla is a Good Marla…)

Last week he altered the way I use them to have me pulling the ropes, hand over hand, as fast as possible, while he created resistance (a blasted ton of it, too) as he fed the rope to me. I remember thinking What in the heck would any normal person need this movement for? When would I ever need to be using my muscles like this?

But last night, I found the answer: I could be a crew member of Shark Wrangler!Last night after the homeowners returned, I left the place I was house-sitting and relocated to a hotel in the Los Angeles area and unplugged my brain in front of the tv. I flipped through until I saw some dudes chumming a great white shark from a boat.

Shark Wrangler is a tv show documenting the efforts of OCEARCH, an organization trying to save sharks by tracking their migration, feeding locations, breeding areas, etc. I wouldn’t have known any of this had it not been for the tv show.

Beefy crewmen were hauling in hooked sharks for tagging. There they were, battle-roping a 17-foot Great White, hand over hand, until they could attach buoys to keep it surfaced enough to go onto the lift for tagging. I think they practice with more than Gary pulling on the other end of the rope.

Don’t worry. This isn’t my plan. I don’t want big beefy biceps. I’m happy to leave those to bodybuilders  and the hot shark wrangler dudes. Although I like to think I’m tough enough to handle some smashed thumbs and mangled fingers from time to time.

But no…I figured out my role when I saw an average-looking dude battle-roping the hose that they use to keep salt water flushing to oxygenate the shark’s gills while it gets tagged. This shark-hose-handler has to be fast and strong but he wasn’t a beefy V-cut like the others.

I was already plotting a way to get his job, stopping the reverie just barely short of turning him into chum.

Of course we all know I’m never going to be part of the Shark Wrangler crew, but if my next trainer has the creativity to put battle ropes into my routine, I now have a lovely delusion to sustain me through my next session: Marla the battle-roping shark-hoser.

Love, Marla

4 Comments on “From Battle Ropes to Shark Wrangler: Marla’s Delusional Fitness Motivation

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