Survival is Relative (by Amanda and Leslie)

Marla’s note: These two crazy friends of mine have an awesome blog titled Survival is Relative. Since they didn’t put a title with this post they submitted to help out while I’m away, I gave it the same title as their blog, since that’s such an awesome title anyway. (Did I mention that it’s awesome?) Check them out at their blog, Survival is Relative, and on Twitter.


Marla asked us to fill in for one of her posts this week, and we  got to thinking about how much we miss having her around. Then we got to thinking about all our friends, spread out all over the place, we love and miss, and how sometimes we maybe aren’t the best at keeping in touch. In fact, we were just crying about it to the only friends we’ve made here the other day. We’re sure they really appreciated it.

  1. It’s too hard so just don’t do it.
  2. Expect your friends to keep in touch with you. Get mad when they don’t, and stop talking to them in outrage. Then cry about how your friends don’t care about to the only two friends you’ve actually made in the new city. Handwrite an emotional letter to your long-distance friends so they feel bad. Can’t say you never kept in touch!
  3. Read their Facebook status and comment on their wall at least once/week. Liking a photo or comment counts. Get upset when they haven’t stopped living their life when you moved. Put up old pictures of you with them hoping to make them feel nostalgic and miss you more.  Unsubscribe from their updates when they don’t like the pictures.
  4. Make plans in your head to write letters, because you’ve always wanted a pen pal. Write letters in your head that are so long you forget to actually write them.
  5. Make plans to go see your friends. When you go to buy your plane tickets realize your favorite band is coming to concert and buy tickets to the concert instead. Life is hard when you’re forced to choose between friends.amandalesliemadonna
  6. Mass texts, mass emails, mass Facebook posts. Mass people, mass love. Besides, your friends love getting mysterious replies from phone numbers they don’t know.
  7. Become friends, if you aren’t already, with your friend’s parents on Facebook. This way, you can have public conversations about your friend with their parents. Public shame and parental guilt are a magical combination.
  8. Play phone tag. Call when you know they won’t be able to answer the phone and then leave a desperate message about how much you miss them and wish they would stop screening their calls. When they immediately call you back, don’t answer. You don’t have time to talk now. That’s why you left a message. Jeez, some people can be so selfish.
  9. Get your friend drunk at Christmas vacation and have sex with them. When you’re having their baby nine months later, you can bet your ass they’ll stay in touch then.
  10. Read your friend’s blog. They’re a great writer, and no matter how bad at staying in touch you are, you love them, and would be happy to guest blog for them any time.

So the next time you think to yourself, “I haven’t seen Bob in a while. I wonder how he’s doing.”  Don’t go to their Facebook page. Pick up your phone and give them a call. You can always leave a message.

3 thoughts on “Survival is Relative (by Amanda and Leslie)

  1. Hahahaha! You guys are too much! I’m pretty sure that’s exactly how I manage relationships!…way to go guys, give ALL the secrets away!

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