(Don’t worry, dear reader. Today’s post is short, optimistic, and will end with a “cuddly wuddly” lion cub photo from here in South Africa.)
I am one strong, strong, STRONG mother fluffer.
And I don’t just mean that I can now bench press 99 pounds (45kg for my new African friends), or that I still refuse to wear deodorant unless I’m getting gussied up (and I rarely gussy).
It’s because of who I’ve become.
I’ve been dreading this July 19th. It has always been a rough day for me. 26 years ago today, my dad dropped dead on a Las Vegas sidewalk of a coronary. I was sixteen and living with him that summer. I was supposed to go jogging with him that morning and, like a typical teenager, blew it off in favor of sleep.
19 years ago today, my second pregnancy was confirmed at the doctor’s office. We celebrated like crazy, believing that finding out on the anniversary of Dad’s death was fate. It was not. None of my pregnancies would end up going to term.
More than usual I worried about today, because I’m working on this manuscript, revising specifically these sections on loss and formative events.
But you know what? I wouldn’t change one traumatic, terrifying, defining moment of my life, because it has made me unique (or, “strange,” depending on who you ask, but I’m okay with that), independent, adventurous, insightful, and (did I mention?)…a very strong woman!
Here’s to the hard memories, and especially for my readers who have been through the worst of it. Because once you make it through the grief which feels like it will have no end, you will arrive at a day you realize you have survived, and that you are immeasurably stronger than the person you were.
May your heartbreaks and hardship make you one strong, strong, STRONG mother fluffer!
P.S. Here’s that lion cub, as promised. This photo was taken at the Lion and Rhino Reserve in Krugersdorp, South Africa. We are finally going to Kruger National Park this August (TENTING, even!) and I can’t wait to bring you back photos and stories of our trip. (Don’t worry, I will not be cuddling anything wilder than Kurt in that South African wonderland!)