The Brandon Roast…Because You Only Turn 30 Once!

My nephew turns 30 today…THIRTY!! I thought today’s post would be the perfect time to write him a letter, and maybe roast him just a teensy bit by sharing some photos he’s going to kill me for…

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I remember snapping this picture. Brandon was already wary of my paparazza antics.

Dear Brandon,

I was thirteen when you were born.

birthday tribute adult nephew
Attacked by a vendor’s parrot on the Santa Monica Pier.

I remember how excited I was. I was the youngest in my family, and always wanted a little brother or sister. I loved babysitting and learned how to change diapers, give baths and all the duties of taking care of a baby.  You had really smelly diapers. I thought “Dear God, do all babies have such stinky shit?” (Yes. Yes, they do.)

birthday tribute adult nephew
My handsome nephew, Brandon.

I also owned my own camera by then. I had won it a year or two earlier selling magazines for school and every time I got money for film or developing, I was taking photos of you and, two years later, your sister, Brianna.

birthday tribute adult nephew
We saw a cool snake at this stop. Hoped it was a sidewinder but alas no…

The best memories of my teenage years and early college are of babysitting you both.

birthday tribute adult nephew
Brandon entertaining me with a mock photo shoot at Getty Center in Los Angeles.

We would reenact scenes from Adventures in Babysitting and play dressup and watch Smurfs together and when Kurt and I got married, you and your sister were the ringbearers in our wedding.

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Such a cute kid you were. Such a handsome man you became!

We have gone on roadtrips together and wherever we live, you are our most frequent visitor.

birthday tribute adult nephew
Goldwell Open Air Museum in Rhyolite Ghost Town, Nevada

We even got to meet Jay Leno together on one of your visits.

birthday tribute adult nephew
I went to the Jay Leno show five times while we lived in Los Angeles. This was the only time I got picked from the audience to meet him. SO happy Brandon was there to go up with me!

We even survived Death Valley together…

birthday tribute adult nephew
Although we are mock dying from the heat, it was still 105!…in April! Blah.

…and you rivaled my tree-hugging penchant with your own brand of awesome craziness…

birthday tribute adult nephew
After I insisted on hugging this Joshua Tree, Brandon showed me the proper way to hug an overgrown member of the yucca family.

(and we both know you can build a better rockpile 😉 )

birthday tribute adult nephew
We had so much fun creating rock piles and “rock piles” at Mosaic Canyon Narrows in Death Valley. Up the hill in the distance beyond this rock pile, Brandon and Kurt are standing on the edge of an overlook. (I was too heat-exhausted to climb.)

You have also taken the brunt of several of my mooning attempts and survived burned-out retinas in the process.

birthday tribute adult nephew
Stealth photos are fair game if you’re caught sleeping on a road trip!

Thirty is just the beginning, my B to the RAN to the D-O-N, and I look forward to more adventures together for the next fifty-eight years (although perhaps when I’m 101 our adventure will be you learning how to change my diaper – how’s that for burning the retina of your imagination?)

birthday tribute adult nephew
Doing our best L.A. Posers impression at The Getty Center.

I love you forever,

Auntie M.

32 thoughts on “The Brandon Roast…Because You Only Turn 30 Once!

  1. Awww, that made me tear up! Can’t believe my big brother is 30! And, for the record, some of my favorite memories of childhood are when you would babysit us, too! Amy Grant, anyone?! 🙂 Love you so much!

  2. Happy Birthday to Brandon from your Frick Building stalker! I hope your 30’s are fabulous! It’s a great time of life…enjoy!

  3. Thank you, Auntie M! You’re very sweet! I love you to bits! You chose the worst pictures of me ever like 3 years old and 30 lbs ago, so thanks for that. 😉
    Now that I’m 30, I think it’s time to start poking the kids who skateboard on my street with my walkin’ cane. Those kids have pissed me off for about a year, and now I’m ready to be old and cranky.
    Gotta go. Wheel of Fortune and the crosswords are callin’ my name. Oh, my back.

    1. Thanks coach, yeah he is absolutely the best. I always tell Kurt if we ever had kids, they would have a complex because it would be hard for me to like any kids better than my nephew and niece.

  4. Awesome post, sis! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON!! WOW! 30!! Talk about making the “old man” FEEL like an old man!!

    1. Ha. Geezer. I know though, right!? It’s insane that he’s thirty and that we’re, uh, well… {lowers voice} “middle aged.” {shudders}

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