A Tired Marla is a Good Marla, and Training in “ROCK STAR!” Gutchies

Battle rope exercising
“Are we done yet?” Exercising with battle ropes.

Yesterday’s workout with personal trainer Gary at 24Hour Fitness reminded me of watching The Dog Whisperer with Cesar Milan. The only thing missing was Gary hand-biting me on the shoulder and going “pfsst” “pfsst.” I was surprised he didn’t actually strap a leash to my neck and drag me around the parking lot on roller blades.

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t that bad. Or maybe it was, if you’re an out-of-shape 40-something who’s learning to alter her lifestyle to prioritize this thing called “fitness.”

It’s so, so difficult, dear reader, not to write this blog as an essay, but I keep hurting my long-term goals of publishing, by “killing” these essays via blog.

Rope pull
I’m still working on form, to say the least. But I am working.

I was reminded again of this lesson in a class on personal essaying that I took last night from writer Taffy Brodesser-Akner. I posted about her on my Facebook writer page today, and I just can’t stop thinking about how much wisdom she was able to impart in a 3-hour course. She’s quite phenomenal, actually. You never know when you’re going to come across an amazing teacher like that but when you do, it leaves you energized and full of motivation and excitement and the will to be better than you ever have before.

Dual cable cross lunge
Did you already see a glaring problem with my form? Compare our back legs. My back foot was planted firmly on the floor, instead of up on the toes to take pressure off my knees. Trainer Gary has been very good about creating a routine that utilizes hips and glutes instead of my bad knee, but it’s going to take awhile to learn to do them correctly.

Readers, if you have a moment, please single-click on her name above and *Like* her Facebook page. I really can’t say enough how incredible she is as a teacher. If you’re in L.A. or if you can afford to make a trip there, take a course from her. You’ll be blown away, I assure you. She can listen to an idea and in minutes resolve the central issue, the tension points, the potential resolutions and pull from you the framework that might otherwise take you ever so long to figure out yourself.

dual cable cross pull-down
On this dual cable cross exercise I’m doing several things wrong (sorry my pic of Gary isn’t from the side). I needed to be leaning back with my rump ahead of my back and my legs outstretched in front of me, toes off the floor, abs flexed. Once again, posture fail.

And she was absolutely correct in her discussion about blogging and giving away your writing. Readers, you are completely worthy of my best, but I need more publishing credits, or I will have to go back to logistics management where the cash is cold but the creativity is frigid. And that would mean no more time for blogging or essays with which I like to entertain you.

battle ropes
I hate battle ropes. I hate battle ropes. I hate battle ropes. I hate battle ropes. Therefore, I love battle ropes.

So here’s what I’ll do: teasers for you. I’ll give you words, snippets, images, but nothing that will hurt my chances of publishing a finished essay on it.

Then I’ll give myself 100 rejections to get it published. If it’s published, I’ll give you the link and we’ll celebrate together.

If, within 100 rejections it doesn’t get published, I’ll post the finished essay on here. Either way, you get the essay, just not immediately.

arm cycle
I think this is called arm cycling or something inane like that. Try doing it with someone telling you “Faster! Faster! Faster” when you’re already so exhausted you can barely pedal them at all. I need a shirt that says “I hate Gary” on the front and “I love Gary” on the back, because I hate him as I’m arriving, but love him as I’m leaving.

Today’s teasers are:

Skivvies with the words “ROCK STAR!” written on the arse.
An Eeyore shirt. A garbage can.
A more in-depth understanding of brainwashing and the psychology of dogs…and Marlas.
Why I didn’t join the military, but why apparently I would be a good soldier.
back stretch machine
Swimming is my real reward for an hour’s workout with Gary, but a good stretch is second best. I’m just learning how to use the machines, like this one to stretch your back, but already I look forward to them.
battle ropes
What the battle ropes look like from the user’s end. Pretty cool, huh? Not so cool to use. I hate battle ropes. I hate battle ropes. I hate battle ropes…I love battle ropes.

Thanks for following me and supporting me. You are and always will be, my favorite readers.

I will leave you with a video that sums up how I feel about yesterday’s workout, so you don’t feel slighted on your daily dose of Marla humor.

Love, Marla

15 thoughts on “A Tired Marla is a Good Marla, and Training in “ROCK STAR!” Gutchies

  1. Proud of you Cuz! Keep up the hard work! Love the look you gave to the camera:)

  2. I am sore and tired just from READING about this workout. Think I’ll get moving too…but first,a nap! Lol

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